I may be a bit inebriated from trying to help out a friend’s loneliness tonight and I shouldn’t admit that the night before last my favorite M.D. made me weep. But fuck it, I cried like a two dollar whore broke a three dollar nail. It was a breakthrough, is breakthrough one word or two, hmmm… I guess it doesn’t matter. What does matter is, I love writing and the problem I’ve had with it, up until now is that I couldn’t be honest with myself or even others. I was more blunt with people, than truthful. And while being blunt is a part of being honest, that’s not how you connect with people. Writing is being unequivocally truthful. Writing is more than just a feeling, it’s feeling. It’s groping at the heart. It’s tugging at a natural instinctual state of mind. It’s being blunt and in tune with the world.

I used to think that I was broken. I closed myself off with the opinion that I couldn’t feel anything or that I wouldn’t, if I blocked that contact. I made myself emotionally numb. But part of feeling advantageous is being open to the cold hard truth that I need to suffer the agony of heartbreak. Pain is a necessity if I want to know what happiness is. Life’s a balance.

I’m not becoming hippie or anything but spending the past few months, more so last month, in tune with people; making connections, I’ve been able to figure out that hurting or crying reminds you what true joviality is. A few nights ago I felt that. Tonight I felt good. I may feel happiness one day. But It’s a process and last month was a step down a different path… and I “like” it. 

Thirty days of awesome was phenomenal idea and thirty days in three minutes is a great way to dote on those days.

30 DAYS OF AWESOME FLASHBACK

Having thirty photo shoots in thirty days has been exhausting. “It’s an up at dawn pride swallowing siege that I can never fully tell you about.” said Jerry Maguire to Rod Tidwell. This is an analogy and yes I’m Tom Cruise in this scenario and I know what you’re going to say; He’s not even as good looking as you are. But this is just an analogy, so cool your jets. Well while I’m the Top Gun himself, Rod Tidwell is photography. It’s a arduous, grueling, but beautiful craft that in the end will surprise you. So looking back at all the shoots and fun that I’ve had over the past few weeks, I backed up to day two that involved Mackenzie and Jacie. While Jacie keeps trying to duck this 30 days of Awesome, she will be surprised by my persistence. I will hunt you down and photograph you for this. You are to amazing not to. 

This is the photo shoot in its entirety. The images that were shot from day two, came from this three minute clip and no where else. Enjoy.

SEPTEMBER TWENTY EIGHTH 

Every time I glance over at the images of Stephanie I find myself literally short of breath and my heart misses a beat. One would think it was my affinity for gingers or how much I love naturally curly hair. But nope, it’s just Stephanie. She’s that incredible.

I asked her to shoot out of a crazy, random impulse. No rhyme or reason. I hadn’t talked to her in probably a month. But I was reminded of her when I saw an image of her on Facebook and thought I have to photograph her. I probably shouldn’t have asked her in that particular way.  Which sounded creepy, but luckily she made it out to Long Beach today and we had a blast for thirty or so minutes while I reveled at the fact that she just left work and still looked so amazing. We talked brazilian blowouts and strippersize and we hardly ever really focused on the fact that we were shooting. 

I keep looking through her images and damn it if I can figure out why I have to hold my breath while I do it. Or why out of all the people I’ve shot with, I just can’t pinpoint what part of her beauty I’m most keen on. I’ll have to scooby doo myself to the bottom of this.  

I just looked again, I’m still holding my breath. 

SEPTEMBER TWENTY-FIFTH

While this wasn’t really a photo shoot as it was just a glorified hangout session, because Roxy ducked me on the whole photo shoot thing, I really don’t think that I could have nailed any better photos that described how awesome she is. I know the word is “awesome” is constantly overused, but is there a better word that best describes Roxanne? Let’s take a closer look at this word. On Urban Dictionary “Awesome” is defined as “something that americans use to describe everything.” Okay fine, proof that it’s overused, but then it goes on to say that awesome is “formidable, amazing, heart-stirring, wonderful” CHECK, CHECK, CHECK and doubley CHECK. Oh but then it goes deeper… “Cool, hip, exciting” Yes, very cool and hip. Exciting, if were talking about when she breaks out her repertoire of dance moves from her MC Hammer skills to being able to dance like Johnny Castle when Solomon Burke’s “Cry to Me” is bumping then yes, she makes every moment worth enjoying and there is never a lack of excitement. And I love her for that. So yes she’s awesome. I may not be eloquent at times and I’m in no way shape or form saying that I’m the most articulate cat around but I’m sticking with defining someone who dresses like a medieval Optimus Prime while wielding a rapid fire nerf gun as just plain awesome. 

Actual definition of awesome:

awesome |ˈôsəm|adj.  extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great… oh and it means Roxanne

SEPTEMBER TWENTY-FOURTH

My Bru is a cat that I could never reach on any kind of level. He’s stubborn, shrewd, he takes everything way to seriously and I’m almost positive he never ever listen to a word I say. But I love him. It’s hard to say that you would die for someone who you think is a complete D-Bag. But he has his moments. Nothing comes to mind, but he does have his moments. I love you and think the chinese rappers from Barry Gordy’s The Last Dragon is a great ringtone for you. 

SEPTEMBER TWENTY-THIRD

So there I am minding my own business when Farid pulls out a marker and begins tagging “so fly” on a wall of a freeway overpass. He marks shit up and decides he’s going to mix it up with a different marker when he looks over and the fuzz is staring at us about a block away. We weren’t sure if they saw him scribing dopeness on the wall or if they were waiting to catch us in the act. So we froze and then pretended to just be shooting photos. Luckily they drove off after five minutes of me taking nonsensical photos of him walking through guttery water. Whew… I got priors I can’t mixed up in all this crazy shite. Although, some of the best times I’ve ever had, the secret ingredient to those times was crime, I really didn’t want to bone out with all my camera equipment dangling as I resisted arrest. But in the end we snapped some dope photos of Kofly and we said “fuck the Po-lice. Word is bawn nyucka!  

DAY TWENTY TWO

An excerpt from my latest pulp novel “The Devils Redheaded Bottom Bitch” It’s a working title. 

She was intense, earthy and her hair could light up a neon sign. Her piercing green eyes never left Det. Martinez and he had no reason to complain. From her amazing stems to her red hair that stabbed at sex, she was sight that would literally pain you, if you looked away. 

“I’m a small waist, but a tall glass.” She said.

“How long have you been in the business?”

“That’s non of yours.”

“I’d like it to be; beautiful women are a hobby with me.”

“Hobbies don’t interest me.”

“You could be a career.”

Her full lips parted and her breath quickened. “Now that,” she said with a smoky tone, “interests me more…”

I had  the most nonsensical dream last night. I was fighting zombies, killing quite a few actually, and I became so overwhelmed I took it to the heel and toe. As I was being chased I pulled a shotgun out my pocket, for some reason it had a sniper scope on it, and I began shooting my way through the living dead. At one point I turned back and saw a foxy redheaded zombie chasing me and there was no mistaking that red lipstick she had on, I’d seen pounds of it before, but I kept hoofing it. When I rounded a corner I came toe to toe with a large beast of the undead. So I did the only thing I cold do, I jumped in slow motion and kicked him right in the face. But as it turns out, this is very difficult to do while laying down, apparently my body doesn’t know how to sleep-roundhouse yet, so the action woke me up as I kicked the wall. Out of all the ridiculousness that was my dream, there was one thing I couldn’t fathom after waking up; Why didn’t I let that redheaded, soulless corpse catch me? 

Of course for day twenty two I would have to write a fucking novel when it comes to Samantha. But let’s get the fact that she is bloody gorgeous out of the way. Fact being indisputable by the way. Her amazing eyes capture your attention like a stoner staring at a lava lamp and her figure is flawless thanks to that great bum and her tiny waist. But forget all that for right now. What I absolutely love about her is her girlish innocence. She doesn’t let things affect her when she’s just hanging about. We can kick random UPS packages, we can ride quarter kiddy rides, we can play the mat swapping game and so many other foolish things without feeling judged by each other. That’s rare. I normally can feel the scrutiny of other people while doing almost any act I become engaged in. But not with Moon Head. She’s the epitome of fun. Merrymaking could be a good word to describe her. Moreover, whether it’s shooting some spectacular images or drinking a few lagers talking about how slutty St. Pauli Girl is while listening to “Looking for Love” on the Lovage playlist, it’s a bond that I don’t mind making a career out of. Day twenty two of “30 days of awesomeness,” and I present to you Samantha. You’re fucking welcome. 

DAY TWENTY ONE

While Mito (Meet with an “O” his business card reads) is easy on the eyes and really wouldn’t look out of place on a Guess ad, the cat is running for city council of West Hollywood. However out of place he may look with his running mates, he’s the only person I feel should be running. I more or less interviewed him and the reason it’s more or less is for one primary reason; he has to be the greatest conversationalist I’ve ever met. He’s in tune with everything, personable and unlike most people he actually listens. The majority of the population just sits around and waits for their turn to talk. He’s attentive and responds accordingly and while politics can tend to be a bit daunting, it’s a give and take with Mito. He holds firm to his convictions but somehow bends enough to allow you in. And damn it if you’re not right there with him at the end of the day. It makes me want to move to We Ho, help him run his campaign, vote for him, ride his coat tails to an upper office, maybe mayor, hopefully become his speech advisor/writer, handle some crazy press (not a scandal, but who am I kidding that would be awesome), rally for him to become a senator and eventually make his long and inevitable trip into the white house. But let’s just vote him into city council first. Baby steps, baby steps Vinnie.“Change is on it’s way!” Vote March 8th 2011.

SEPTEMBER NINETEENTH 

If I could be honest and I don’t see why not, it’s not like anyone reads these blogs anyway, I have a little bit of a crush on Nicole. She has a fantastic, gorgeous smile, a warm nature about her and a breathtaking glow that makes me think that it is an absolute crime that she doesn’t have a boyfriend. A fact I tend to tease her about because it’s a reality that her cousin Vy is continually reminding of. Not because Vy is trying to push her on me, at least I don’t think she is, but because she seems to think that I’m a decent fellow and it would make sense that decent fellows would know other decent fellows. Not this decent fellow. Besides there’s only like six of us in this state and we tend to not like competition. 

But back to Nicole. The funny thing about her is that she has this bashfulness to her and then I engage her in a conversation and she lights up and says certain things that bashful people just don’t say. That’s part of her loveliness. If I could tell her one thing that I would hope would make it into that sweet little mind of hers, that would be “You are beautiful beyond belief in every possible way, never be unsure of that, trust me I’m a doctor.”

SEPTEMBER SIXTEENTH

Sylvia has always made me smile because she has a disposition that seems to not like my disposition. And then my disposition is like “Well fuck you then.” And then her disposition is like, “You’re taking this all the wrong way.” “How am I supposed to take that you don’t like me?” My disposition queries. “As sarcasm.” “Oh… I knew that.”

I know that she loves me but she tends to be so reserved that I have to fight with her to laugh. But when I finally get her rolling, it’s mutha freakin on. I love talking to her because she just let’s me say the stupid things I say and then she tells me how stupid they are. Something tells me that if she had it her way she’d show me with an easel, a protractor and powerpoint presentation just how stupid I can sound sometimes. But I  and my disposition and I say “I know UNO prison rules. So meeeehhhh.”  with intense conviction. 

I’m so stupid. 

SEPTEMBER FOURTEEN

The shoot with Kaylee Robin Michele Brown lasted about ten to fifteen minutes and I felt like I couldn’t do no wrong. It doesn’t matter if she’s just looking beautiful for a headshot or if she’s posting up, there is not a single thing I can do to capture a terrible photo of her. I only took seventy images and normally I’ll shoot at least two or three hundred until I feel I’ve nailed down a few images. But with Kaylee Robin Michele Brown I had it within fifteen shots. I took the fifty five other images just for funsies. I can’t wait until we shoot on a more serious note.